Blarging with Goku!
by Videad
Summary: A blessing in the form of randomness with Goku...
1. Blarg It's a word

Blarging with Goku!  
  
By Videad  
  
(A young, dark blonded girl with a Ranma ½ shirt and torn jeans walks onto a stage, in front of many cardboard people sitting in seats in the dark, with a microphone and a Goku plushy.)  
  
Videad: Ladies and gentlemen! I give you an entire day dedicated to the fruitiest of fruity monkey people! (dispite their vegatable obsession...) Please welcome Goku!  
  
(Goku walks out from behind a curtain, waving and smiling. A clapper machine is turned on, and cheesy talk-show like music begins to play.)  
  
Goku: Hi everybody! I'm Goku!  
  
Videad: Uh, they know your name, Goku.  
  
Goku: Oh. ... Well, do YOU know my name?  
  
Videad: ......YES.  
  
Goku: Ah.... well, in any case, it's Goku! *genki smile*  
  
Videad: Riiight...well, er, anyways, Goku-  
  
Goku: That's "Goku." -trying to be smart  
  
Videad: Sure, so Goku-  
  
Vegeta (who just "poofed" out of nowhere): Lies! It's Kakarot!! Its name is KAKAROT!!!  
  
(With her mighty author powers, Videad blasts Vegeta and he explodes into rather unedited gory-ness.)  
  
Goku: Bye bye, Vegeta! See ya at Popo's barbeque!  
  
Videad: I love doing that...  
  
(Body parts and blood begin to fall to the ground, Vegeta's arm landing on Goku.)  
  
Goku: OH MY GOD GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!! AAAAAAAHHH!!!! (runs around in circles, waving arms) OH MY GOD, IT WON'T COME OFF!!!! IT'S LIKE A KOOL-AID STAIN ONLY WITHOUT THE ANTS!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa.............(Goku runs off stage and into the men's room.)  
  
Videad: Uhhh.....we're gonna take a commercial break now! -sweatdrop  
  
(Videad jumps into the audience of the carboard people.)  
  
Videad *as cardboard people*: (as cranky guy) "What?! But we just started! We want to see more of your beauty and greatness!" (runs to another one, a woman) "Yeah! And Goku's cuteness!" (jumps over to one more, a child) "And pringles!"  
  
(Videad runs back onto the stage.)  
  
Videad: I apologize, ladies and gentlemen, but Goku has this thing with flying arms, and he'll need some time to recover from tonight's incident...  
  
*In the men's room...*  
  
Goku: It all started when I was three!! I just wanted a hug!! Why, Frog- chan, whyyy?!! I looooved you!! Why, god, oh, whyyyyy?!!  
  
Towel guy: Sir, will you please just wash your hands and leave me alone?!!  
  
*Stage*  
  
Videad: But I promise that when we get back, we'll get all the juice that we want about Goku and all the other Dragonball people!  
  
(Videad pulls a rope next to her. Speakers appear over the audience.)  
  
Audience: Yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!! 


	2. I hate those 70s singers

~~  
  
(Jigen and Goemon *Lupiin III* run onstage with soap and an armadillo.)  
  
Jigen: Hey Goemon? Do you want your sword clean and shiny?  
  
Goemon (badly acting): Why yes, Jigen. I do. But how can I possibly clean THIS?  
  
(Goemon pulls out a sword covered in blood stains and scratches.)  
  
Jigen: That's simple...(pulls out a large bottle with Lupiin's face on the cover) ...with THIS Lupiin Brand Sword Cleaning, er, Stuff!  
  
Goemon: (puts hand to cheek) Gasp! You have GOT to be- ....... uhhh....*squints eyes* Pulling my, er, CHAIN, Jigen!  
  
Jigen: .........*clears throat* No, Goemon, I kid you not! This here-  
  
Goemon: You're kidding?  
  
Jigen: Gah, NO I'm not kidding, Goemon! *whisper*- Stick to the lines, damn it!!  
  
Goemon: *whisper* - But, reading the first lines, I'd think that you'd say "I'm not pulling your chain." But instead you tell me that you're not kidding. What if you confuse the audience?  
  
Jigen: (no more whispering) IT'S THE SAME THING, YOU MORON!  
  
Goemon: WELL WHAT IF NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT?!  
  
Jigen: THEN-  
  
???: SHUUUUUUUUUUSH!!!  
  
Jigen + Goemon: Hmm?  
  
(The two look to the back of the audience where Lupiin is holding cue cards, and pointing at them with annoyance.)  
  
Lupiin: Just read the cards you guys!  
  
Jigen: Tell that to HIM...  
  
Goemon: Fine, fine...  
  
Jigen: *clears throat* This liquid is filled with bacteria killing chemicals, and leaves a clear, bright shine on whatever it touches!  
  
Goemon: Hmm...so you are saying that we should try it on my sword?  
  
(A snicker is heard from the audience.)  
  
Videad: *thinking* - Blasted teenage hormones...  
  
Jigen: Uhhh....-*trying to ignore* Try it yourself, Goemon!  
  
Goemon: Wait, do you mean pour it on me or- (Lupiin signals him to cut if off.) Okay.  
  
(Goemon pours the liquid on his sword, *damn hormones!* and acts amazed.)  
  
Goemon: Oh my goodness! My sword! It is shiny, and clean!  
  
Jigen: And that's not all! Now it's sharper and more slick!  
  
(Annoying laughter is heard from the audience.)  
  
Videad: MYAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!! -crying with laughter* Damn my hormones!!! (continues to laugh)  
  
Goemon + Jigen: ................................  
  
Goemon: Er, do you know where I can get more of this?  
  
Jigen: Why you can find Lupiin's Sword Shiner-  
  
Videad: DAMN IT!!!!  
  
Jigen: -at every Big Ass Chibi-Mart, Large Butt Mini-Store, and Wal-Mart. Get some for YOUR sword today!  
  
Goemon + Jigen: .....................  
  
Lupiin: Pssh...guys! (starts pointing to lip corners) Smile!  
  
Goemon + Jigen: Oh! (They smile huge smiles.)  
  
(Lupiin presses the play button on a tape player.)  
  
Lupiin Girls: *singing* Lupiin's Sword Shiner! Hot, sexy, Sword Shiner! Makes whatever matters shiny and slick! Lupiin's Swoooooord.....Shiner!!  
  
(Clapper maching plays.)  
  
Videad: Can't.....breathe....too....much.....innuendo....in one.....sitting....  
  
Jigen: *still grinning* My jaw hurts...  
  
Goemon: I think my cheeks are stuck...and what were we going to do with that armadillo again?  
  
(The armadillo is sitting in the audience eating popcorn and playing on a Game Boy.)  
  
~~ 


End file.
